When Things Go Bump in the Night
by TDCSI
Summary: Nick learns the hard way about the things that go bump in the night when it comes to Grissom & Sara. My first attempt at humor,so humor me and read it. GSR


So I have no idea where this all came from. I ran it past thespoon, and she's like, 'You have so got to write that.' And so I did, and here it is. All because of thegreatbluespoon, I decided to attempt something funny. I hope I make her proud.

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When Things Go Bump in the Night

"Come on, I'm tired. Can't we just stop somewhere and sleep?"

Grissom let out a heavy sigh as he looked into the rear view mirror.

"I can't sleep in moving vehicles, I get car sick."

He turned his focus on the dark stretch of road in front of him, occasionally glancing at the person dozing in the passenger seat. "Just lay down, you have the entire back seat to yourself."

"It won't work."

"You're a grown man Nick, stop whining."

"But I'm tired Griss." Nick continued to whine as he shifted around in the seat making any attempt to get comfortable. "I can't stay up like you can." He leaned back and put his hands over his face groaning.

Grissom narrowed his eyes. "Sara's sleeping."

"No she's not."

"No I'm not."

He looked over quickly. "You sure looked like it to me."

She pulled herself away from the make shift pillow she had formed out of her jacket. "Yeah well, I can't sleep in a moving vehicle either."

"See, I'm not the only one. Come on Griss…" Nick whined.

"We're only about five hours away from Vegas."

"Grisssss…." Nick slumped over onto his side. "Five hours."

As Nick continued his ranting, Grissom shot Sara a look that was intended to get her on his side. "I am tired." She agreed with Nick.

He released yet another sigh and rolled his eyes. "Fine, if we ever come upon something, I'll stop."

"Thank you." Nick said relieved. Sara gave him a little seductive smile and leaned back against the window.

The cab was quiet for the first half an hour; they continued to drive and had still failed to reach civilization. Grissom remained focused on the road until Nick began to get restless in the back once again.

"Just lay down and relax, I'll stop when I get to a motel."

Nick groaned and leaned over to stretch out on the bench. Grissom smiled and gave his head a shake. Only a few minutes later Nick popped back up again.

"Griss, stop."

"What?"

"Stop, you need to stop."

Sara looked back at Nick. "You alright?"

Nick shook his head. "No, pull over. I'm gonna hurl." His hand flew to his mouth in an attempt to hold back the bile.

Grissom's eyes grew and he quickly pulled the Denali over to the side of the road. The truck didn't even come to a complete stop before Nick practically fell out and emptied his stomach. Sara unfastened her seatbelt and climbed out to assist Nick. Grissom rubbed his face with his hands in utter disbelief. He knew he could make the drive back home, but it seemed his passengers weren't going to make it.

Sara helped Nick into the back seat and then returned to her position in the front. Grissom looked back at Nick, making sure he was finished for the moment before putting the truck back into gear and starting down the road.

A short ten minutes later, a motel appeared in the distance. Reluctantly Grissom pulled into the little Indian strip motel. He climbed out and went to get them rooms.

Nick climbed up to lean on the console. "Thanks for helping me to get him to stop."

She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't think he would have stopped, but that whole throwing up scene back there was definitely convincing."

"Hey, that wasn't a scene that was real."

She smiled as Grissom returned and climbed back into the truck. "I have good news and bad news."

"Good news first." Nick and Sara spoke simultaneously.

"Well, good news is, they do have a room."

"And the bad news?" Nick pondered.

"They are doing a lot of remodeling, so I was only able to get one room."

Nick slumped back as Grissom put the truck in drive, and headed around to find their room. Half of the rooms were blocked off like one huge crime scene.

"Construction, it looks like someone died here."

"Nick, you're the one bitching about wanting to sleep. So, this is what's available." Grissom stated as he pulled into the far parking slot.

The trio climbed out and went to see what their accommodations for the remainder of the night would be. Grissom used the key to open the door. He flipped on the closest light switch only to have one of the bulbs immediately burn out.

"Why does that not surprise me?" He stepped in followed by Nick and Sara.

Sara found the bathroom. "I'm just going to clean up a little bit, then I'm going to bed." She locked herself in as Grissom and Nick continued to explore the room.

"Where are we all supposed to sleep?" Nick asked as he looked at the queen sized.

Grissom spotted something flanking the bed. "You can sleep on the couch."

"What?" He turned to the sofa on the far side of the room. "You gotta be shitting me?"

Grissom smiled and sat down on the bed leaning against the headboard. "Want to hear a joke about where that phrase was originated?"

Nick sat heavily on the couch and looked at Grissom wide eyed. "You, are going to tell me a joke?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I do have a sense of humor you know."

"Ha ha." Nick let out a chuckle. "Is it dry humor or is it laugh out loud funny?"

"I got Sara to laugh." Grissom picked up the remote and turned on the small television.

"Okay, let's hear it."

Grissom gave a smile. "Alright, George Washington was crossing the Delaware river. It was dark, and the water was rough, tossing the boat to and fro."

"Oh my God, this is going to be cheesy isn't it?"

"Would you shut up and let me finish?" Once Nick was done rolling his eyes, Grissom continued, "So, half was across the river Sergeant Peters is tossed out of the boat and disappears into the dark water. They finally reach the other side. They're tired, wet, cold, and in desperate need of nourishment. After walking several grueling miles, they find this brothel. George knocks on the door and the mistress greets them. He explains their situation. The lady asks how many men there were in the unit. George replies, 'Well, there's fifty two of us without Peters.' Then the mistress replied, 'You gotta be shitting me." Grissom paused and waited for Nick to respond. "Get it?"

Then Nick chocked out a dry laugh that soon escalated as it sank it. Grissom smiled as if he had just earned an 'A' on his first test.

Sara came out of the bathroom. "What's so funny?"

"I told him the Peters joke." Grissom said proudly.

She smiled back and climbed into the bed pulling the covers tightly over her. Grissom went to the bathroom next, and as soon as the door was shut, Nick jumped onto the bed. "What the hell Nick?" Sara exclaimed.

He was on top of the covers and wrapped his arms around Sara. She was thankful that she was under them. "I thought I could sleep with you tonight."

"I'm thinking that couch would suit you just fine."

"Hey!"

Nick looked up to see Grissom standing over him. "Oh, I didn't hear you come out."

"Obviously, now if you don't mind..."

"Actually I don't…"

"Out!" Grissom's voice boomed.

Nick scurried away from Sara and into the bathroom. Grissom moved around to the other side of the bed and climbed in. He tried to keep himself as far from Sara as he could without falling out. She scooted over and kissed him on the cheek. "Goodnight."

"Night."

She scooted back to the other side and closed her eyes. Nick then emerged from the bathroom and landed heavily on his couch. He shook his head at the space between Sara and Grissom. Sooner or later he knew the magnets would finally attach, but Grissom's end lost its polarity quite often.

Grissom finally made himself comfortable lying on his right side, and watched Nick as he got settled on the couch. There was a good three feet of unused space in the middle of the bed, and Nick made sure his back was to the other occupants.

After an hour, Grissom had rolled onto his back, placing both hands behind his head. He was wide awake thinking of how much further they would have gotten if they didn't stop. The sound of Nick's heavy breathing was the only echo that filled the room. Suddenly, he felt the bed shift. His eyes moved and caught a glimpse of Sara rolling over to snuggle her body close to him. She let her head rest on his forearm, while her hand took residence on his chest. He smiled and brought his arm down to embrace her. Grissom could have sworn he felt her smile against him, and then her hand began its decent. Grissom froze.

His mind began to go into overdrive as her hand slipped lower and under the waistband of his boxers. "Sara." He whispered his warning. Now he was positive she was smiling. Grissom held his breath as her hand began to cause friction in all the wrong places.

"Honey." He tried again to no avail. "Please don't." But it was too late, her hand was magical and within a few seconds, he was fully aroused.

Grissom closed his eyes and tried to picture himself being lowered into a tub full of ice water, but Sara's fingers were too talented.

"Honey, please." He choked out. "Nick's right there."

"He's asleep." She whispered back.

But Nick wasn't asleep. His eyes were wide open as his ears picked up every sound that came from the bed behind him.

"You're tense. I need to relieve some pressure." Sara teased as she squeezed him. Grissom sucked in a breath and forced his eyes shut. She smiled knowing he was trying to be as silent as possible.

Nick pulled his blanket tighter against him. He wondered if Sara had taken something before bed. Surely she wouldn't be ravaging Grissom at some sleazy run down motel while he was in the room if she wasn't high.

"Sara." Grissom warned again. "You know how loud I can get."

Nick bit down on his clenched fist. Obviously this wasn't something new, and Sara definitely wasn't high. Grissom let out a deep groan and Nick shut his eyes willing God to take away his hearing.

"Mmm…Sara." Grissom made every attempt to be as quiet as possible.

Now Nick couldn't decide if he wanted it to stop right now, letting whatever was going on escalate to something more; or for Sara to speed up and just get it over with. He got one wish.

Sara released Grissom and moved away from him. He opened his eyes looking for the cause of his heightened awareness. "Where do you think you're going?" He followed her across the bed and pinned her down.

"Shhh, remember…" She pointed over his back to Nick.

"I can be quiet; the million dollar question is, can you?"

Sara pulled him down to her and kissed him. They let out choked moans as things began to get heated.

Nick desperately tried to ignore the commotion taking place behind him. All he asked for was to stop and get a few hours of shut eye, after being up nearly two days working with Grissom and Sara way up state. He wasn't asked to go; he asked if he could go. Surprisingly, Grissom agreed. Now, because all he wanted to do was get away from the lab, he was wide awake lying on a funky couch that smelled as if it used to be a piece of lawn furniture, listening to his boss round the bases and head for home. He brought his hands up and attempted to plug his ears. 'My God.' He thought. 'Neither of them are trying to be quiet.'

The moans and pleasurable groans crescendoed as Nick did everything in his power to block out the sound. He didn't know exactly how long ago it was when things got started, but he prayed it would all end. Suddenly the room grew quiet.

Grissom and Sara were still as they regained control of their breathing. "Is he still asleep?" Grissom asked.

She looked over his shoulder. "He looks asleep."

He moved off of her and pulled her close to him. "I'm afraid we didn't stay very quiet."

"Gee, ya think?"

Both bodies froze as the sentiment hung in the air.

The next morning, conversation was nonexistent. Only a few short questions and answers were exchanged. Once dressed, Nick went out to wait in the truck. Sara and Grissom were not much longer. Sara had a sly smile on her face; Grissom looked almost hot under the collar. Nick remained quiet in the back seat, his arms folded tightly across his chest.

About an hour into their trip back to Vegas, Sara turned into her seat to glance at Nick. She smiled at him; he narrowed his eyes in return. Her smile grew as she repositioned herself to look at Grissom. The longer she stared at him, the further up his neck the redness grew. Grissom just glanced back and forth between his window and the windshield, trying to avoid her glare.

The remaining hours it took to drive back to Vegas felt like days, at least to Nick and Grissom. Nick was still having a hard time dealing with the fact that he was practically forced to listen to…to…his whole body shuddered as the sounds from the previous night trickled back into his head. It was just something that was deemed wrong. Like hearing that your parents haven't 'retired' from everything; no. That was something no one wants to know about.

Grissom pushed his foot a little harder against the accelerator, anything to get home faster and away from this embarrassment. He knew the instant Sara initiated the launch sequence, there was no going back. Assume nothing, that's what he's always telling his CSI's; yeah, well he assumed Nick was asleep. That was his second mistake; his first was letting Sara take it as far as she did. The third was taking the lead after she had her fun, but he had never been anymore embarrassed in his entire life than when Nick let his comment break the silence after his moment with Sara. Even the time his mother caught him in the bath tub with several Playboy's, that had nothing on this. Last night now took over that top spot on his list of life's embarrassments.

Sara was smothered by Grissom the previous night. It took her a few moments for it all to sink in, but when the realization hit of what had just occurred hit her, it was just humorous to her. Grissom held her as she began to giggle. For some sick reason she thought the whole idea of her and Grissom having sex with someone else in the room would be adventurous. And it was, up until the part where the other person voiced his opinion. She couldn't help but think it was funny, and why Grissom didn't either, she couldn't figure out. Wasn't it obvious by her outbursts that he was skilled? He should be proud of his accomplishments.

Eventually they did make it back to the lab. Nick quickly scurried out of the truck as if it was about to burst into flames. He grabbed his kit and made a beeline for his car.

"Hey Nick. How was the trip with Griss and Sara?" Catherine asked as she was heading out of the lab.

He never missed a beat as he muttered over his shoulder. "Why don't you go ask Sara."

That will be the last time Nick asks Grissom and Sara to pull over for the night.

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Did I succeed? Are you smiling, laughing, or getting ready to throw up? Like I said, it's my first real go at this, so please tell me if you laughed or if I sucked, but remember, I'm still writing T&T II, so you might want to consider being nice.

TDCSI


End file.
